Dr. Oshé VS. Mantera

I'm starting to wonder if all the weird-looking movies on Netflix are just all foreign movies that no one has bothered to see. Mantera, the second movie I've watched for this blog, is a Malaysian sci-fi action movie about a kid who gets robot armor and a bunch of events happen.

Let's go through these events, shall we?

The movie starts out with a big, booming "AT THE DAWN OF TIME" kind of narration similar to the one in Tranformers. I don't remember what the narrator said, and I don't care.

Filmmakers: We really liked Transformers!

Then, the first scene is of some confusing robots shooting at other robots and some evil Russians chasing some other Russian lady around some hallways. The Russian thugs never seem to catch up to her, even though she has a slow, dainty run and is wearing heels. Soon, she gets away, and starts I.M.ing some mystery guy about Mantera (which we don't know what it is yet) and how it's been sent to the "perfect recipient."
Cut to a completely unrelated scene where two guys are playing a video game that seems to have been designed by someone who doesn't know anything about video games. The video game has camera movement that look suspiciously like a movie, and doesn't focus on the player, which is what video games are supposed to do.
Anyway, one of the characters in this scene talks much like a California surfer/stoner, saying things like "Dude!" and "You just made us so much money, bro!" Hold on, what? What kind of online video game are they playing?

I say "stoner" because he makes this face throughout the whole movie.

Next scene! The main character goes on his bike to school and is teased by some bullies. How unique of you, Movie! It was here that I finally learned that the main character's name is Azman, which I frequently misheard at "Asshat."

Next scene! The bad guy Russians are talking to some kind of evil alien guy, played by an actor who is obviously straining himself to talk in a deep, scary voice. You only see him from behind, but you can tell that part of his face and neck are twitching uncontrollably when he talks.

I AM EVIL AND STUFF AND MANTERAAAAA- paraphrased quote

Here's where the movie suddenly becomes The Bourne Ultimatum when the Russian thugs look for the Russian lady who ran away in the beginning. She runs around, finds a disguise, and escapes the thugs. What a riveting sequence of events!

Hazmat--I mean--Azman gets a mysterious delivery at his apartment. As he's signing the thing for the delivery man, the delivery man says, "So, you won the online game again, huh?" Um, excuse me, but I really don't think that's how they work.

I'd like to point out that the English dubbers for this movie didn't seem to know English any better than the Malaysian actors did.

Anyway, in the package is a helmet, which Azbutt puts on, and random things flash on the screen for a few seconds before he blacks out. It was around this time that I really started to notice just how terrible the editing in this movie is, because RIGHT AFTER this scene, it hard cuts to a scene of the Russian lady arriving at a hotel in her disguise and then suddenly getting caught by the Russian thugs via a dramatic and unnecessary jump-scare. HARD CUT to Azmatt waking up on his keyboard.

He asks his surfer/stoner friend to help him build something (which turns out to be a motorcycle) based on the blueprints he saw in his head when he put the helmet on. To whoever sent Azzmannnnn the package, why didn't you just include real blueprints with all the motorcycle parts? Anyway, the audience is treated to a montage of them building the motorcycle to Dance Dance Revolution music.

I don't know anything about building stuff, but does this look right to anyone?

Also, when they are finished, his stoner friend says this:

"Hey man, you reeeeeaaady?"

Again, they couldn't get native English speakers to dub over this crappy movie.

And what was his friend asking if he was ready for? After this scene is over, the movie hard cuts to the Russian bad guys interrogating the good Russian lady. The scene ends with one of the bad guy Russians choking one of the Russian thugs, and HARD CUT to a scene of Assman and Stoner friend talking casually. Nice tonal shift, Movie!

Stoner friend leaves, and Azman sees a girl walking out of school in SLOW-MOTION. Oh no, movie, you did not just decide in a split second to add a love interest in, did you? When I was watching this, I found myself actually saying, "Really? Why?" out loud during this part. Azman introduces himself to the girl, she gives her name, Deena, and leaves.

Next scene! Azfat is sitting on his new motorcycle and staring at Deena's name tag that she dropped and that he was too lazy/creepy to return to her. Suddenly, he decides to put the helmet back on, and starts making fake electricity between the motorcycle and his hand.

Filmmakers: Whee! Look how realistic! Good job, team!

We are not even halfway through the movie, guys. There are too many things happening in too short of a time, and somehow the movie seems longer than it should be.

Part of the motorcycle lights up and we're shown some small robots clamping onto the neurons in Hazzman's brain, which makes him flinch in pain and look down at his hand. Ladies and gentlemen, the filmmakers weren't aware that the brain is not located in the hand!

Then he gets hit by a truck but doesn't. That is the best way I can describe it.

Next scene! Good Russian lady is caught in a random shootout between some dudes who we don't know. Who are they? Are they good guys or bad guys? Who cares! Also, there are CGI blood splatters when people get shot in this scene. Suddenly, a spaceship-type thing crashes into the side of the building where the shootout is taking place, and starts shooting at things inside the building. The filmmakers absolutely enjoyed Star Trek: Into Darkness.

And this is how the scene ends. With a selfie!

Finally, Azman shows his dopey friends (i.e. Stoner friend and Deena) how his new motorcycle can turn into a suit of robot armor that makes him look like an Iron Man prototype. I find it appropriate to point out that the filmmakers really like Iron Man.

Woah, robot armor, bro. That's totally rad, man.

The robot armor is called Mantera. And I don't care.

Cut to Good Russian lady, who has been taken in by a mysterious organization called "The Alliance of Light." They're a good organization that... does things... and stuff. Who cares!
May it be noted that they brought her through a Stargate?!

Filmmakers: We are huge fans of Stargate!

My good people, we are still not halfway through the movie. Someone help me.

Blah blah blah... things continue to happen. Mantera  continues to bore and frustrate me with its lack of creativity, its terrible green screen effects, and its tendency to use music that sounds a lot like it's lifted directly from other movies.

The Alliance of Light says that "The key to Mantera lies in the Pure Soul."
WHAT DO THAT MEAN, MOVIE, WHAT DO THAT MEAN?!??

More things happen!!

Then, Azman is chased down the street by a bunch of bullies, and proceeds to have the crap kicked out of him. Soon he is saved by a man whose character bears a suspicious resemblance to Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid! And then, I am not kidding you, they begin a TRAINING MONTAGE THAT LOOKS VERY MUCH LIKE THE KARATE KID!

THIS HAPPENS. THE FILMMAKERS JUST LOVED THE ORIGINAL KARATE KID!

Blah blah blah MORE THINGS HAPPEN!!!

WHO CARES?? NOT ME!!! BLAH BLAHASDLSFONGMDNVKJN,MC;QE3

Anyway, in the last 20 minutes of the movie, we actually get to a scene with robot-fighting! Azmazz finally puts on the Mantera armor to fight some evil robots sent out by the evil alien (remember him? I certianly don't). Fake Mr. Miyagi joins the fight with his own suit of robot armor, and is killed in the battle. We are supposed to feel sad for Azman's loss, the only problem being that we only met Fake Miyagi halfway through the movie and he's had as much screen time as the evil alien guy (remember him? I still don't). The movie continues to surprise and irritate me with Fake Miyagi's last words: "Remember, Azman. Nothing ever dies."

Yes, they do. Things die all the time.

Anyway, the scene continues with a long, lazily animated robot fight. Throughout the fight, Azman is knocked around by the evil robots, and is continually motivated by the advice of his dead mentor echoing in his mind. (By the way, the filmmakers watch a lot of anime). His friends watch the fight on TV, somehow.

blahblahblahblah LALALALALLAALAAAAAA

AZMAN KILLS BAD ROBOT AND END OF MOVIE!!!!!11!!!!

CGI Artists: "We'll just tape his face on, whatever. Pass me a beer."

Oh, wait, there's still a few seconds left. The evil alien then orders a bunch of evil robots to go "destory Mantera." And THEN the movie ends. Gasp! There's going to be a Mantera 2???? I'm not watching it.

Also, we are treated to one last shot where we are shown the evil alien from the front, finally!

Filmmakers: Have you guys seen Prometheus? That's a good movie!

By the way, Azman's friends had almost no reason to be in this movie. Deena especially seemed useless, since she is introduced as the love interest and she and Azman don't end up kissing or even holding hands. She doesn't do anything else other than be there, along with Stoner friend, who doesn't seem to know where he is in the movie at all times.

After this boring mess finally ends, I did a little research on Mantera. It doesn't have a Wikipedia page that's in English. No one has seen it unless they are Malaysian, and the reviews I read were all in broken English (no offense to them). I also did some minor research on the Malaysian film industry. It's small, and hasn't seen much worldwide success. In light of this discovery, I guess I can't blame it for ripping off so many good movies (and Tranformers). Maybe this movie really tried its hardest. Maybe the CGI wasn't as awful as it could have been. But you know what?

That doesn't excuse the fact that the story was lazy, sloppily paced, boring, and unoriginal. There is no reason they couldn't have gotten decent voice actors to dub this in English; they don't need to be famous or expensive, they just need to know how to speak like normal people! There is no reason for the terrible editing, which gave the movie violent mood swings in between scenes. There's no reason this movie had to suck so bad, but it does.

I'll soon forget about how angry this movie made me, so I don't think I'll be dueling to the death with Mantera the same way I still am with Snow Queen. Some bad movies offend me, but others just fade from my memory after a good rant. I guess I'd recommend Mantera to anyone who needs something to mock relentlessly. As for me, I'm just moving on from this crap-fest and on to the next.

(Thanks for reading! Leave a comment on this site if you have any suggestions for improvement in my reviews, or if you have ideas for terrible movies I should watch on Netflix.)